An example of a conflict that occurred recently ( I have modified the story and exaggerated it a little bit ) was between two of my friends, A and B. Friend A had recently been dumped by his girlfriend and was extremely distraught. He turned to friend B for help and being a good friend, B consoled A. He also spent much time giving A advice on how to manage future relationships.
A few months later, A found another girlfriend but the relationship turned sour soon after due to the same mistakes made by A. A once again went to B for help, but this time B refused to help A and he even called A "an immature person who refuses to listen to advice". A was naturally furious and as result both A and B are now not on talking terms.
I feel that B was frustrated with A as he did not take the advice of B. It can be very disheartening when you realise that all the time and effort you have spent are for naught. This was also the main reason behind B's outburst at A, further aggravating the conflict in the process.
On the other hand I feel that A also feels much resentment towards B. He feels that he has been humiliated because after exposing his vulnerability by confiding in B, B not only refused to help but ridiculed him instead.
I feel that the main problem now is both parties do not think that they are in the wrong and like so many other conflicts, their pride prevents them from making the first step towards reconciliation. Both of them must be made to realise that losing a friendship over a petty quarrel is not worth it. So now, how can I , as a friend of both A and B, help them to get back on speaking terms with each other? Please post your views in the comment section below :)
Regards
Corn
Hi Corn,
ReplyDeleteIt is an interesting situation you have there.If we want to resolve conflict between 2 people who are not on talking terms we would need a middle man and that would be me.A middle man must be neutral about both sides and provide advice for both parties.As the middle man, maybe i can arrange for the both of them to meet and talk about the problem with my presence.After all the only way to clear the conflict would be by both parties involved talking to each other and understanding the situation.I will tell both parties to calm down and talk nicely to each other if more problems arise.I want both of them to express their feeling about each other and resolve the conflict so that their friendship will not be broken because of a small conflict.
Dear Cornelius,
ReplyDeleteRelationship is something which I'm familiar with and let me explain a few things.
Mistake makes mistakes, yes. But sometimes, people makes mistakes again. We give them a third chance and he still commits the same crime. What is happening here? We can see that the attitude in that person is more or less embedded in him and there's little chance that he can change.
In the situation above, I would advice A to find a girl that matches his personality. Maybe A is hot tempered and many girls don't like it. But there are some who can handle temperamental guys. This example applies to all the negative qualities A might have. All he needs to do, is to 'find the right tree among the vast African jungle'.
Regards,
Mohd Ferrino
Hi Cornelius,
ReplyDeleteYour story is somehow similar to Anni and Joon Wai, but is fine, i love reading story instead of blog full of facts and knowledge.
Well in this cases, i think B is wrong. B should not scold A like that, it will destroy relationship although he angry. This show that B cannot control his emotion. B should be happy that A manage to find another love, and he should support him since he is his friend. In my opinion,i think A is trying to cure his broken heart by finding a new girlfriend, although he fail again.Well failure is the key to success, who knows one day he may find the right girl for him. In my opinion,is nothing wrong for a person like A to keep trying. I think A forget every advice that B give when he found another girlfriend, that is when love blinded his mind. To solve this problem, i think you should calm both of them down. After they both calm down, you can try to make both of them in a happy mood so that they will not easily get angry. Then the next thing you do it to call them outside to have a drink, then let them work things out themselves. If A and B are friends, conflicts will eventually be easily resolved.
Hey Cornelius,
ReplyDeleteIt's an interesting scenario you've got there :) I think B is a little short tempered though. Even though B has told A how to avoid ending up like he did, relationships are difficult to cultivate and maybe A just got too carried away. Afterall, it's not easy to change your character. If you're too rash in doing things, even if you know that and you try to correct that, sometimes you just can't control it. So maybe A just hasn't found the girl who would be able to tolerate his behaviour. B would have to try to understand this, and as a best friend, be forgiving and just keep trying to help A in any way he can.
Since you are the common friend, you'll need to help A get over the girl first (Yup first things first :P), and then get A to explain properly to B how he screwed up the relationship. Hopefully then B will be less harsh and more willing to listen to A. And they'll both be able to work out any further issues.
-Anni
Hey Cornelious
ReplyDeleteYour situation is like any conflict whereby both parties refuse to give in, and stand firm with their stand, believing that they are in the right, while the other is in the wrong. I would agree with Joon Wai that since the 2 are already not talking, they would require a middle man, or rather a mediator to at least get the 2 to start conversing.
But if both of them still believe that they're right and are adamant, getting them to converse would be equivalent to getting them to quarrel again. To begin, as the mediator, he or she would have to explain to both parties that they are not wrong, but neither are they entirely right. As the mediator, you would have to explain the situation to both parties, and get them to accept the view of the other party, or at least help them come to a compromise.